.

2009-10-26T03:54:00.000-07:00

; and I lie, I lie because I love you
because i'm bothered by the things I do
because your hurt invades me

everything in me is useless expect for my womb,
it bleeds small children each month

let go, let go
tear out your solitude

I let go of love and I lose all of its terrible weight

2009-04-27T10:29:00.000-07:00

. . A n d t h e n I c a m e t o t h i n k o f h i m

Dear,
I have been you

You know he would kiss if
it would heal you

But I know
It will not heal
The kiss will only leave you in a fever of need
It will only leave you bruised and beautiful

I wear my bones
– my cover to uncover you
Because my bones are what I want him to think of
When he thinks of me,
again
I dislike my skin,
It’s too close to your heart

Dear,
It was not love
Because I can not
Bear it to be

It's that. . My arms are doors i can not close,
And I have held him

your father blew smoke in your face to keep you quiet

2009-02-24T07:33:00.000-08:00

he gave me his hands and I wasn't sure if I should take it,
press it to my face or hide it behind my neck

I dont love anyone who doesn't have dirty handsss

& when he's drunk, he tells me about the boys he has
kissed and where he wants to kiss me
I WILL KISS YOU MORE PASSIONATLY.

.

2009-02-07T13:30:00.000-08:00

people seem to be leaving holes on my body. dirty holes. holy holes. bruised holes. and I carry them like I carry my bones. yesterday we spent the day in bed together, and you touched my holes and asked me who gave me them. I dont want to forget who gave me them, so I'm remembering everything. its seems that you like my bruises better than you like my bones, even though you buy me cigarettes.

I think we are worse when we're together. I dont really want to know what you think or feel about me. I feel so much on my own.

dying is an art, like everything else

2009-01-11T14:28:00.000-08:00

jeg ville drepe deg
men du døde før jeg fikk sjansen til å . .
jeg var fjorten da du døde
når jeg var sytten prøvde jeg å dø
for å komme tilbake tilbake tilbake til deg

i steden ble jeg teipet sammen igjen
og da visste jeg hva jeg skulle gjøre;
jeg laget deg om til en gud uten en munn jeg kunne kysse
og jeg la meg vedsiden av deg
og jeg var lykkelig, for du var formet slik jeg er formet

i wear my stitches to show that something's missing

& i'm tired of being brave

2009-01-02T13:38:00.000-08:00

the light lies on the walls, on my hands

I need to dance out of my skin, tear off my bones. just be whole and free.

take me out tonight, our bodies will be alcoholfueled

i will remind you how to spell your name

i will help you find your bed and wake you up to kiss you again and again and again at five in the morning

i will brush your teeth, and think that you're just the first boy i fell in love with and that's all you'll ever be.

fragile feelings. .

hello mr. good morning

2008-11-29T07:06:00.000-08:00

dont look at me like that darlin, i'm a mess.

he poured love with his beautiful gentle hands, our hands met before we did. they crushed my body, leaving me blue, bruised and beautiful. you finally gave me something. I found some secret messages hidden in the palm of your hands too, in the lines that really is a map over your body.

oh, and your unkissed cheeks. .

evig & høyest elsket

2008-11-17T08:36:00.000-08:00

-rør ikke ved meg, for dere vet ikke hva jeg har mistet!
-fortell oss hva du har mistet, så vi kan hjelpe deg med å lete. .
-jeg har sittet ved bordet til døden, sovet i senga til døden, og innhalert asken av de brente restene av alt vi hadde sammen. dere, dere. . dere har kun kysset den på munnen.

every day I lose a small fragment of you,
and then pieces of me run after them
because I'm not ready to let you go yet.

....

alle dere som leser bloggen min;
fortell meg hva dere drømmer om!

I owe you my heart

2008-11-03T11:49:00.000-08:00

yes, I said you never were acquainted with my face, yet you wore it.
you resembled me!
your face begged for love,
and I kissed you,
because your lips fit mine perfectly

you were mine after all. .

killing the moment we thought was so special

2008-10-12T12:47:00.000-07:00

sometimes I sit by myself, and look at people imagining their lives and who they are and it makes me sad that I will never know these people or it not really about that, I feel sad because I so desparately want them to be the way I've imagined them to be.
sometimes I want to be one of those faces I make up, so I could just for one moment see myself in a different light

I've always been fighting. fighting battles with myself and now you've stolen all my energy and replaced the energy with pictures of yourself. and now I'm fighting against this, and I think I've lost this battle, but I can still win the war, you know.

writing about you is a way for me to be close to you.

15.november
<3

2008-09-27T09:29:00.000-07:00

she is all there, darling,
she is all you,
melted down and fitted for your body.

let's face it, you're not quite acquainted with my face
I'm a bright red painted stain and the smoke from the car
engine was rising our. . love

she is more than that; you know you have to have her back
and,

I give back your heart
I give you back

she is exquisit; the sum of yourself really,
and here is something that will hold you

her!
she is solid.

I, on the other hand, loved you too much

written; 6. oktober 08

all i ever wanted was someone who could hold me

2008-09-15T11:59:00.001-07:00

" du holder fast i meg, fordi minnet om å ha elsket meg er sterkere enn vissheten om at du ikke gjør det lengre".

før du går nå, vil jeg at du skal tenke på hvem du er. du må hjelpe meg med å finne deg. vi skal gjøre dette sammen, men jeg tildekker ikke. jeg åpner. jeg åpner deg. neste gang du kommer, vil du takke meg - for da har jeg funnet deg. da har jeg endelig funnet deg.

just say we were lovers, and we'll call it even.

høyest elsket

2008-09-12T08:36:00.000-07:00

I remember that time when you put your hand on my pulse and we felt so connected and fragile. it was the most intimate moment. and I remember that time when you were sleeping and you dreweled all over me, and I licked your spit off of your lips and tasted it. I want to kick myself in the heart for not protecting you. I want to comfort you, though I'm the one who is hurting you. this isn't about love, because I know something you dont. but it'll grow on us, eveything will find itself and I have so many stories I can tell you while we wait.

I put my hands up,
to praise

-------------
when you touched my hip,
i knew you would end up
buying me a drink.

størst av alt er kjærligheten

2008-09-10T11:23:00.000-07:00

( I beg the lord not to hear what's been said tonight)

love is fragile and sore
but we'll love forever, our hearts will be exhausted
our legs and arms will evolve and move and there will
be nothing left but our bodies.
we'll love, turn and change into each other
it will keep us above it all.

love keeps us pierced together
and you can never escape that

for Gud

2008-08-16T07:49:00.000-07:00

nå faller vi. Du&jeg.
for det er Du ingen kan røre ved.
Du har inget ansikt, ingen munn å kysse
når Ordene ikke lenger strekker seg til oss,
er det fordi vi har glemt ut om vi gjør dette
på grunn av eller for Deg,
for vi er sårbare,
for vi elsker,
for jeg sa hold meg hold meg hold meg
og Du holdt himmelen for meg

.
det er hjertet ditt jeg er ute etter
. . and yet there is Someone, whose hands infinitly calm,
holding up all this falling.

fall #9

2008-08-10T17:47:00.001-07:00

"enkelte indianerer tror at trommen er universets hjerte.
hva skjer med resten når du knuser hjertet?"

.
så sent kom jeg til å elske deg,
for du skjønner,
du var i ditt inneste indre inni deg selv
og jeg var utforbi utenfor uten deg,
så jeg så etter deg der ute.

dancing must be the way i can dress to please him

2008-08-09T08:54:00.000-07:00

.
( there are parts of me
i just cant fill, feel, hold
all by myself )

eg grip etter deg
du er aldri hos meg
og når eg kjem nær er du ikkje her
du glir berre bort

eg trur du berre er
eit hjartedunk
eg skriv til deg at du gøymer deg
for meg
mellom alle dunka
mellom meg&deg
for du finst i bølgjene
og i meg.

når jeg er hos deg

2008-08-09T06:39:00.000-07:00

// brev til R.
jeg har lovet meg selv at jeg vil fortelle andre om de tingene som betyr noe for meg.
og noen ganger er tingene - følelsene, minnene, opplevelsene - knapt noe.
knapt en følelse. det er egentlig ingenting.
bare et minne av noe jeg ikke kan forstå eller huske.men på en eller annen måte,
så er det jo alltid noe. jeg vet du aldri vil forstå dette, kanskje ikke en gang finne fornuftige svarpå hvorfor disse tingene er så viktige for meg.

og du vil bare se skaden, restene av eksplosjonen av alle disse følelsene, minnene og opplevelsene.
det er nesten trist. det er nesten frigjørende.

&
unnskyld R.
hold hjertet ditt varmt
(for meg).

taxi to heaven

2008-08-07T12:31:00.000-07:00

jeg griper etter deg
for jeg vet at det ikke er
tyngdekraften eller hendene dine
som tar mine som
holder oss sammen.

jeg kjente en gutt som ikke visste hvordan man føler en følelse.
så, lærte han hvordan man føler -og noen ganger følte han fra hjertet sitt også.
men å elske, og å være to, var noe han aldri kunne forstå. han kunne huske tilbake til den tiden han satt på taket og så på eksplosjonene fra himmelen, kroppene som danset&beveget seg og han følte følelser. han kunne føle.
nå lå kroppen hans sammenkrøllet i sola som en cowboys siste pust og han, han kunne forstå døden. han kunne kysse døden, til og med ta lett på den og føle en sammenhørighet med den.
men kjærlighet, var han ikke sikker på. .

& jeg elsket han fordi han trengte meg